ROME - It is a real manual of love because it promises to give appropriate advice to find the right person and because the story does go on solid. The specialty of the book - published in January in the U.S. under the title "Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find, and Keep, Love" - however, is that the author is not some "expert" from gravure, but two gentlemen scientists - Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, and Rachel Heller, a psychologist at Columbia University - that explore the relationships between adults and claim that it is the exact understanding of the role that takes in a report to help you find the love and support.
The anxious - The type of attachment, the book divides partners into three categories: anxiety, secure, avoidant. The anxious (about 21% of people) want an intimate relationship, living worrying about the quality of their relationship and the ability its partners to continue to love. They have mostly a character undecided, low self-esteem, fear and insecurity with respect to their choices.
The 'avoidant' - about 25% of the people - are posted in the form of narcissistic self-esteem and express strong social problems, for which the intimate footing with others to a loss of independence and we are constantly trying to reduce the neighborhood. It is as if, from time to time, "negotiate" its presence in a relationship.
I sure - 54% of the people - instead of enjoying a high degree of autonomy, the ability to manage and to affirm their self-esteem and this type of person lives at home with the privacy and is often involved in relationships. Finally, 4% is made up of people crossing the various profiles.
Once you understand which group you belong to (a test helps to do so 1) should interpret the smoke signals, the authors write, understand that if the other has a style of avoidant attachment, anxious or secure. "It's like looking for a job - they say Levine and Heller -: you have to ask the right questions, not vague and indirect, to see if that occupation is the most suited to their professional profile. There is nothing wrong." The question at this point is: "My health may be a priority for this person?". And the answer is in the behavior. To determine if your partner is 'avoidant', for example, just be careful how he uses the words in the plural to the singular and the present action for a future project. Or you can look at the past and the difficulties he had to maintain a stable and lasting relationship.
careful, though, diversity is not necessarily an obstacle. If there is clarity on the first date, or if you look at the report, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is convinced: "You can change the other. But times generally do not coincide with the ones you want. One in four people in fact changes the their attachment style over four years. " For this to happen, the report shall have the effect of an earthquake on the beliefs of love or the other. "If you're a 'safe' and you're a person with 'anxious' - say the authors of" attached "- it has a chance to change the other. On the contrary, it is very difficult for an 'anxious' mute character an 'avoidant' or vice versa. " So a relationship is like a pas de deux, for a pound hard together, and make sure that the other intends to undertake to do so.
"And if things go - the authors write - it also benefits health. The circuit of 'attachment' part of the brain, which is linked to our autonomic nervous system, which governs breathing, sleep, hunger, heart rate, blood pressure. In short, a peaceful relationship coincides with the physical well-being. "Conversely, there are numerous studies that show that the end of a story leaves wounds in the brain and cause a real pain, comparable to that of a fracture. And who asks scholars to summarize their work in a sentence, Levine and Heller responded with advice for both singles and couples. The right question to ask at the beginning of a relationship, or when things do not go, not "I really like?" . But: "He has the stuff for me?".
